Editor’s note: Inspired by the Linda
Ikeji N500 million mansion debate, Naij.com’s head of entertainment, Onyinye Muomah, analyses reasons why an “African woman” raised to view marriage as a
priority might choose to be single as well as a go-getter.
Blogger Linda Ikeji’s amazing feat
– buying a N500 million mansion in an exclusive area of Lagos while still
single – has been a subject for debate on the social media. The
35-year-old has been criticised for making herself “unmarriageable” by
flaunting her wealth. I doubt the same would be or has ever been said of a man.
But this
is Nigeria, or Africa, as we love to say when invoking our “traditions” and
“culture”. Certain rules govern the sexes, and even in 2015, the 21st century,
it is “taboo” for a woman to aspire to be anything other than the “man’s
helpmate” – read: submissive minder and body warmer.
In spite
of this, there are still some weirdos who refuse to stick to the status quo and
just make themselves marriageable. I mean, “Why would a woman
still be single in her thirties or forties?” “It is not choice jare! It is your
fault. You are not submissive, you are not calm, your gra-gra is too much.” ‘No
man will marry a woman who makes more money than him.” (Sorry,
Linda.)
But I am
here to tell you that, blasphemous as it may sound, there are some women in
Nigeria – yes, Nigeria, Africa – who choose to remain single; either
for a certain period of time or for the rest of their lives. And no, it is not
because “no man would marry them”. Here are five reasons why some Nigerian
women choose – yes, choose – to do so. (Please, this is not universal
for everybody o! There are a thousand-and-one reason to be or do anything.
These ones are just based on my observations and research.)
READ ALSO: Linda Ikeji Speaks On
Multi-Million Naira Mansion In Banana Island, Marriage Plans (PHOTOS)
1. You
were sexually or emotionally abused as a child
Nigeria is
not a place where we delve deep into someone’s psyche to determine the reason
behind or resolve certain situations or attitudes. You are acting crazy,
someone is doing you in your village. You were abused by your neighbour’s
brother’s cousin at five, it must be your fault. “Why did
you too go there?” Waya! Waya! Waya! The whip
falls. And it ends there. For the rest of your life, you would be branded an
ashewo for what happened to you when you were barely a toddler. You are caught
too close to a young man in your teens – “You! You will not leave
boys alone!” You bury all the hurt in your heart without knowing you are
doing so. As an adult, you develop trust issues. You were raised to grin and bear
it so you never question what happened to you as child or relate it to current
streak of broken relationships. Nah! They are doing you from your village.
Church is the answer. Dr. Chris Ojigbani and Pastor Sign Fireman will save you.
2. You
witnessed too many instances of domestic violence among “loving” couples
It was
standard in your family to see the sitting room turned into a boxing ring with
mom and dad duking it out. Sometimes, it was dad throwing all the punches and
mum screaming. Later, your grandma and grandpa will come, mum will cry some
more as they scold her for disobeying her husband and failing to endure. When
you got older, you saw something similar happen with your friends at university
– with their boyfriends! “Nah! My
spirit can’t take this. If this is what it means to be married or in a
relationship – endure and endure emotional abuse, I best remain alone forever,” became your mantra. And no matter how much
friends and family would later try to convince you that it is not all
marriages, you would never listen. The damage has been done.
READ ALSO: Stunning! See Inside Linda
Ikeji’s N500million Mansion (PHOTOS)
3. You are
just a hustler
From day
one, you have been all about the money. Your mama told you: “You need to take it easy
if not you will just chase men away.” But you don’t know how to be anything else but
you. You were born for the hustle. You can’t just sit still and let the
opportunities pass you by because someone somewhere decided it was not your
place as a woman. Then when the future husband finally came and saw you jumping
taxi, making calls, cutting your deals, and visiting your accounts officer, he
issued a decree: “No, no,
no! When we get married, you have to stop all this. Who will take care of our
children?” Suddenly,
he becomes an ardent campaigner against having domestic servants. “I don’t like all these
house girl things. My children will not be raised by housemaid.” Meanwhile, you don’t see him making any moves
to shore up whatever you may lose as income if you quit your many hustle. “Nna, I am coming,” you say, as you zoom off in your Ferrari
without looking back. You need a self-respecting man who is as ambitious as you
are not some dream killer, you explain to your mother who has reported you to
pastor.
4. You
are a single parent
You have
had your chance at love and lost it, but you got something from it, a beautiful
child. Maybe as a result of the heartbreak and disappointment you experienced
from your true love and subsequent would be true loves, you decided:“You know
what, I am just gonna focus on my child.” And come rain or high water, you stuck to your
guns and the fruit of your womb, remained the apple of your eye for the rest of
your life, till death do you part.
5. You
were just born this way
Yes. Yes.
Even the Bible says so. I mean, our Lord Jesus Christ himself (and I am
paraphrasing here) said: “Some were born eunuchs, some were made eunuchs by
others and some choose to be eunuchs.” Yes, I know he said “eunuchs,” making
you think he was referring to only men. But, please, he made us male and
female; meaning, what a man can do, a woman can do too (and even better).
READ ALSO: Linda Ikeji Acquires Multi
Million Naira Mansion In Banana Island
So all
these rules you people are making and trying to enforce on only one sex: it’s
time you all just open your eyes, and let people, whether male or female, be
the best that their God has made them to be without applying your own
restrictions in the form of outdated traditions and perceptions. Don’t hate,
imitate so you too can elevate your life.
And if you
are one of those people who spit, shrug your shoulders and snap your fingers
over your head, swearing not to marry a woman like Linda Ikeji who wants to
feed her husband, hence control him, don’t worry your little head then. I doubt
someone like her will ever cross paths with, for too long if ever, or wish to
marry someone like you or your brother.
The views
expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent
the editorial policy of Naij.com.
